The Power of “No”: Reclaiming Your Boundaries and Your Self
In a world that often pushes us to say yes, whether to be agreeable, helpful, or even to feel worthy, saying “no” can seem like a radical act. For many of us, especially those who’ve experienced complex or interpersonal trauma, saying no isn’t just hard, but it can bring up deep seeded fear, guilt, and anxiety.
AND learning to say no is one of the most powerful things we can do in our healing journey! It’s not about declining requests, it’s about reclaiming your boundaries, honoring your needs, and affirming your worth.
Why Saying “No” Is So Hard
The struggle to say no is often tied to survival mechanisms formed during traumatic experiences. If you've been hurt in relationships, saying yes might have felt like a way to keep the peace, stay safe, or event to prevent more harm. Over time, this people-pleasing behavior becomes habit, and just the thought of saying no or trying something different can trigger immense anxiety and discomfort.
The Consequences of Always Saying “Yes”
When you say yes to others over and over, while ignoring your own needs, you might notice:
Resentment building up: Constantly putting others first can leave you feeling frustrated and bitter.
Burnout: Overcommitting without leaving time for yourself leads to exhaustion.
Inauthenticity: Saying yes when you really mean no creates a disconnect between who you are and the version of yourself that you show to the world. This incongruence can make you feel sick.
The Power of “No”
Saying no is a powerful way to honor your self-respect. It’s a way to protect your boundaries, prioritize your well-being, and stay aligned with your values. When you say no, you're not just declining a request, you’re making the choice to honor yourself.
How to Start Saying “No”
If saying no feels intimidating, here are a few ways to ease into it:
Start small: Practice with low-pressure situations. Maybe decline an invitation to something you’re not that interested in.
Be clear and kind: When you do say no, use direct but kind language. A simple “Thanks for thinking of me, but I’ll have to pass this time!” is both clear and respectful.
Listen to your body: Pay attention to how your body feels when you're about to say yes out of obligation. Tightness in your chest or stomach might be your body’s way of signaling that it’s time for a no.
Lean on support: Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries and encourage you to take care of your needs.
Saying “No” to Say YES to Yourself
Saying no is about saying yes to yourself. Saying no is a crucial skill in healing from trauma, helping you reclaim your sense of agency and live a life that truly honors your needs and desires.
If saying no feels like an uphill battle, know that you’re not alone. Healing is a journey, and each boundary you set is a step toward reclaiming your power and creating a life that supports your well-being and healthy relationships.
About the Author
Samantha Grimaldi, MS, LPC, is a licensed therapist and the owner of CoCreate Healing Center in Tinton Falls, NJ. With a focus on trauma recovery, Samantha specializes in working with complex trauma and interpersonal trauma using Polyvagal Theory, Mindful Self-Compassion, and trauma-informed care. Through her practice, she helps clients reconnect with their bodies, regulate their nervous systems, and build emotional resilience. Samantha is passionate about supporting others on their healing journey and providing a safe, collaborative space for growth and transformation.
